You can’t force people to follow directions they deem arbitrary.

Remember remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see not a reason why the gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.

http://www.jeffhopp.net/mfm.htm


That's what I'm talking about.

I need say no more..

A few weeks ago, I took down this site in preparation for the launch of a revamped Aetherchild.net. Unfortunately, after several weeks of work, most of the revamped website was carelessly erased by yours truly while I was performing a routine computer reformat. This happened about a month ago, and I hadn't thought much about the site since then. I was reminded of the site again today (not that I had really forgotten about it, but one can be sure that it had been pushed to one of the darker corners of my mind out of grief), and I thought I'd take the liberty to write something. It has been a while, after all.

Tonight is a strange night. It's the middle of California's August, and yet it is also rather chilly outside. Additionally, I feel restless. It does not help that only a few minutes ago I was pouring over my old blog entries, reminding myself of the Chris of yesteryear. It does not help that immediately prior to that I was watching The Constant Gardener (a movie whose subject matter is sure to drive my emotions at the best of times, to say nothing of when I'm watching it alone in an empty house at midnight). It helps least of all that I've spent a significant amount of this evening wondering about my past emotional injustices (and yes, I have committed many).

And yet, I cannot speak of them here. I have already tried, and I found myself becoming preachy within two sentences. It does not truly matter, for I have met each one of them on common ground and repented adequately for whatever negativity I had wrought upon the lives of others. However, my past still troubles me; I was asked a peculiar question today which, in its essence, was this: am I any different from the me of five years ago?

What does my future hold in store for me if I am not? I like to think that my actions these days are more deliberate, and more discerning. To quote a popular singer, "I don't fall in love lawlessly" (anymore). But what if I really do? What if my ideals are just a charming facade whose sole purpose is to hide the same old, uncaring, insensitive id that owned my emotional mind so many (hah, many..) years ago? I don't really think about this often. I think it is because, to the best of my knowledge, I am not that person anymore. I do like to think that. I like to think that very, very much..

It's my 22nd birthday in a few days. When I turned 21, I didn't feel any older or wiser. I don't think I was ready to ascend to the role of able-bodied adult just yet. I have experienced so many negative and positive things in this last year alone, and there is no question in my mind that those experiences together are the embodiment of what has been a rigorous rite of passage for me. Now I am home again after being gone for nearly an entire year, and I have to admit that I feel very different. I no longer think negatively of my parents for their past actions. Instead, I find myself wondering more and more what I can do to help make their lives easier through small actions. When my mother asked me what I would like for my birthday, I told her that I wanted to spend an evening together with her, my father and my brother, and upon doing so I had the strangest revelation: I really meant it. However spoiled, rotten, sheltered or ungrateful that makes me sound, at the end of the day it says something to me about the way things are changing, and that way is for the better.

Enigma released a new album, and it's actually quite good. Who would have thought? Expect another website revamp attempt soon.

Last night I saw my favorite musician, Vienna Teng, performing live for the first time. It's probably hard to imagine that something as commonplace as a musical performance could actually be a wholly remarkable and immensely significant part of one's life, so I won't expect you to. However, last night's performance, for me, was a reminder of something I always seem to forget as I get wrapped up in the finer nuances of being alive: me.

There was a time when my life was driven by the passion embodied in the words of Vienna's songs. It's the reason why she has always been my favorite musician; her music resonates symmetrically with the feelings that I experience on a daily basis. Her performance was a welcome reminder of my passion - a much faded flower, lately - and was surely an exemplary exercise in breathing new life into a withered blossom.

So as I continue to privately bloom amidst the shining warmth of these masterpieces of musical magnificence, I would like to say thank you to Vienna Teng for reminding me of who I am, and for continuing to pursue her musical career despite whatever sacrifices she has had to make in order to do so. Thank you.

"AACS Lawyer: All the God-King MPAA requires is this: the simple removal of the HD-DVD key from your website. A token of Digg’s submission to the will of the MPAA.

Rose: Submission... Well that’s a bit of a problem. See, rumor has it that the slashdotters have already turned you down. And if those programmers and Linux-lovers have that kind of nerve...

AACS Lawyer: Choose your next words carefully, Rose. They may be your last as Web 2.0 entrepreneur.

Rose: You threaten my people with censorship and DMCA lawsuits! Oh, I’ve chosen my words carefully, lawyer. Perhaps you should have done the same!

AACS Lawyer: This is blasphemy! This is madness!

Rose: Madness? ... THIS - IS - DIGG!"

Quote lifted from the following page:Link [digg.com]

I've been wondering about my website lately. It's a very important place for me, but recently I received a message from the registrar warning me about it's upcoming expiration and that really got me thinking about the impermanence that is nature of many things.

Although I don't blog all that often these days, a lot goes on behind the scenes on this site that makes it an invaluable tool for me with regards to my every day activities. My webhost has provided me with a generous compensation of storage space and bandwidth for the meager fee I pay them, and in many ways this site doubles as an ultra-reliable, ultra-portable hard drive for me. While this truth has proven invaluable, one might consider that it is hard to keep such a hard drive organized when you have to access it through a 6 Megabit pipe.

Looking back on the years of images, music and general media that is stored in the hodge podge of directories that make up my personal chunk of the remote webserver where aetherchild.net is parked, I find myself waxing nostalgic. This stuff that is stored out here in the aether - each and every piece - represents a part of my life's journey. It's scattered and chaotic, and yet there is a subtle pattern that can be traced back to the me of years ago.

On any given day, I would suggest that over time many parts of us change while the most fundamental parts of us stay the same, but I was more a man at twelve than I am at twenty one and all that has come to pass until now has shown me that my journey these last few years has been one of atonement. I am returning to the source and reuniting with the person I lost somewhere along the path in the days when I thought that my battles were righteous and my blade was true.

I could opt not to renew the registration of this website. I could cancel my subscription with my webhost. The record of my soul's journey would disappear in the space of a wink. What fascinates me is that even though it resides here now, the only thing that anyone ever sees at aetherchild.net is an ill-conceived color scheme and a flash animation that takes up more CPU cycles than it has the right to. This ephemeral temple is no less me than I am, and even as it resides on the cusp of being lost forever I gaze upon it and know that the essence of the thing is eternal.

Something is going to change soon. I can feel it.

that someone is still listening. It is unfortunate, perhaps, that the message was lost upon the listener, but it matters not. You can pick up your cronies and leave now; the shame of all this is no longer mine to bare.

shackled there you are
the thunder clash and storm
around you are
so never ending
and louder do they grow.

deny me now, menace
turn your tail and flee
blow the flame
and watch it grow
brighter, burning
remember what it used to be!
remember you and me!

of what my head
and heart can sing?
it means nothing
and yet, everything.

you are the one i seek
and who is who
one strong, one weak
either destined to destroy
or fated not to speak
matters nevermore.

you hear my silence now
it follows you now
through every window
it penetrates the walls
of flesh and mind alike.

i have dreamed of how you revel
in that world of wordless light,
but you shall not forevermore
and never shall i dream again
of you, pitiful wolf,
whom once i did adore.

the light has shown
but now I've grown
and as i grow
i learn and know
the truth about our tale told
about the misery
all that was wrought by you
upon me
now is yours
to learn, to love, to be.